Babies.

First off, I think I should add a disclaimer for this post. I love children. Really I do. Not so much when they're crying, but I can save that for another post. My problem lies with babies freshly born. Babies who are just out of the womb are not gorgeous. They are not beautiful. They aren't handsome.

They're wrinkly. And gross. And smashed. And hideous. Their color is all wrong, their eyes are squinty, and they only know how to cry.

If I ever have children, I hope that right after the grueling experience, not a single person tells me "Oh she's so gorgeous!" or, "He has your nose!" Because really, how can you tell?! If my nose is that squashed, man, I shoulda just not had a kid and gotten a nose job instead. But now that I've had this child, I'm stuck with a squashed nose AND a kid whose nose is going to end up with the same fate as mine.

So please. After that 7 lb creature is squeezed out of a tiny tube, don't tell me they're beautiful. Because they're not. And I'd rather you be spared the damnation for lying.