New Job

I think we're all in agreement that elevators are pretty much breeding grounds for awkward moments, right? Especially if you're with only one other person, a person who happens to be a complete stranger.

Most of society would agree that stepping onto an elevator with your new employee whom you've known for less than an hour and turning to them and saying "You don't wear very much make-up--that's what I like about you. Are you a hippie?" would be rather awkward and socially unacceptable, correct? Unfortunately, my new boss doesn't subscribe to this particular social custom and I was forced to reply to this statement. Fortunately, my favorite "Oh. Uh... Yeah" never fails me in these situations, and the awkwardness quickly passed.

Who's Behind Door Number One!

My friends. If you are ever in a public shower (with the curtain closed, mind you) and don't have any clothes on and you hear that phrase, you have two options of what to do.

1- Cover all your private parts very quickly

or

2- Prepare yourself for great embarrassment

For if you hear that phrase, an "unveiling" is eminent. However, if you are comfortable with this type of unveiling, disregard everything I just said and please remember that while you may be comfortable with your nakedness, many others may not be.

Vegamilk

I don't know if you've noticed, but these days, being all eco friendly is definitely the cool thing to do. Everything seems to be made of recycled materials, decomposable materials, and vegetables. But I'll bet you never thought that milk could be made more environmentally friendly, but as Jeffro and I discovered, it could.

(Conversation from this morning)

Jeffro: "Uh-oh . . . Today's the ninth, right?"

Me: "No, the tenth."

Jeffro: "Shiz. My milk says 'best by October eighth'. Think it's still ok?"

Me: "I dunno, taste it and see."

Jeffro: *Pours milk over cereal and takes a bite, contemplating whether or not it's ok*

Me: "So, how is it?"

Jeffro: *Takes another bite and chews slowly* "I... Can't tell. It doesn't taste sick, just sort of . . . Weird. Try it and tell me!"

Me: "Uh . . . No thanks."

Jeffro: *Takes another bite, still trying to decide if the milk is bad*

Me: "Dude, just taste it plain."

Jeffro: *Gets up and lifts the milk jug to her face.* "Oho it smells ishy!"

Me: "Well just taste it! Sometimes milk smells weird but tastes fine."

Jeffro: *Smelling* "Dude, I don't know. Please just smell this for me."

Me: *Sighing* "Fine dude." *Smelling* "Dude. This smells like vegetables."

Jeffro: *Takes a swig* "Oh my gosh the vegetables flavored my milk!"

Me: "Dude, is your milk made of vegetables?"

Jeffro: "Oh my gosh I just drank vegamilk! Who knew?"

Fortunately, after this conversation Jeffro dumped her milk down the drain, ending the life of the vegamilk.

Rock Bottom

My roommate and I are sitting in our pitch black apartment without any lights on. Why, you ask? To save on utilities of course! This is most definitely a sign of desperation.

Questions

You guys. Guess who I saw today.

Mr. Mack-with-my-cheek?

Yes.

Was it the most awkward five second eye contact encounter ever?

Yes.

Later, as I told Jeffro about my awkward five seconds, she asked me if I turned to him and screamed "YOU DISGUST ME!" Unfortunately, I didn't. If I see him again, will I?

Yes.